ROBIN BIELMAN

Weekly.

Daily.

Sometimes hourly.

And then it eats at me.

Oftentimes mistakes I make take hold of my thoughts and hold them captive. I can forget about trying to forget my blunder. You can hit me over the head, shake me to and fro, lecture me on the silliness of it, but I still won’t be able to let it go. Which, if you’ve read some of my previous blog posts, you know is totally unfair considering I can forget just about everything else. Even my own children for Pete’s sake. (Hey, who is Pete anyway?…)

As a child and teenager I hated making mistakes. I was one of those everything’s-got-to-be-perfect girls. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m not so hard on myself. And considering I’m often wrong, off the mark, confused, and botch, bungle and miss the boat more times than I care to admit, it’s a good thing.

(…Nevermind on the Pete thing, I just googled it.)

Which leads me to what’s been on my mind these past three weeks or so. Yes, I said three weeks, and I’m hoping I’ll be over it soon. My latest big blunder, at least according to my inner conflict, is that I spelled an author’s first name wrong.

WAIT! Before you say, OMG, that’s so not a big deal, let me explain…

I spelled it wrong a couple of times. The worst of which was right on her blog the first time I commented… “Hi so-and-so! I met you…” Yep, right there, in the comment section, right after seeing her name in big bold letters on the previous page, I spelled it incorrectly. Then I proceeded to spell it wrong on someone else’s blog. And I wouldn’t be surprised if I spelled it wrong somewhere else too.

I didn’t notice I’d spelled it wrong right away either. Nope. I think it was two days later that I all of a sudden wanted to slap the palm of my hand on my forehead with the realization that I’d spelled her name wrong. Just to be sure I wasn’t crazy, I went back to her blog and checked. Sure enough. Spelled wrong.

Have you ever been torn about whether or not to correct a mistake? I stared at my computer screen for what felt like hours wondering if I should apologize for my error or leave it alone. Maybe she didn’t notice, I thought. And if I say I’m sorry I’ll be bringing attention to it. Or perhaps she did notice and will forever hate my guts.

Okay, hate’s a strong word. How about dislike? And really I can’t blame her. I’ve got a name that is often misspelled, and in all honesty it does bother me a little when someone spells it with a “Y” instead of an “I.” But the most bothersome fact is that her name was right in front of me and I still misspelled it.

I decided to do nothing. I also haven’t been back to her blog because, well, I’m embarassed. I feel awful for spelling her name wrong! Just awful! I know I’ve got to get over it, and I’m hoping that by coming clean here I’ll be able to put it behind me once and for all. I’m sure the author hasn’t given my blunder a second thought so why am I beating myself up? And before any of you ask, let me say right now that I’m not going to tell you who the author is. That would just bring more attention to my catastrophic mistake.

And I’m putting this one to rest.

Immediately.

Or at least after all you guys make me feel better…

You are going to make me feel better, right?

Today I’m pleased to have my first guest blogger!

Kristi, from skimdecafmochawithwhip, is here today to give a workshop on using foreign language in your writing. Thanks for being here, Kristi! There’s tons of great information so sit back, grab a glass of agua, a latte, or maybe a margarita (impressed by my use of foreign language, aren’t you?) and enjoy!

Take it away, Kristi…

Voulez vous écrire avec moi, ce soir?
Subtitle: Working with foreign languages in your writing

Introduction

I am a newbie to writing, but an oldbie to computers. When I saw that Lynn Viehl was hosting her Left Behind & Loving It series of writer workshops, I was intrigued. There are so many topics that folks across the blogosphere post about, and I’ve browsed lots of them. But, I wanted to host one. I wanted it so bad that I could almost taste it. Granted, yesterday I wanted a cookie so bad I could almost taste one of those too, so my taste and attention span are generally suspect. But after a week or more of seeing notices about hosting workshops, I’m going to try one.

The problem is, what on earth am I qualified to teach to a bunch of writers? I started writing fiction less than 8 months ago, and blogging only about 2.5 years ago. I’m still the patched-together corpse that hasn’t yet gotten enough electricity to begin walking and talking on my own yet.

What I am is a computer geek. I considered (and then discarded) discussing customizing Excel and Word with macros. I don’t think I could water down 10 years of Visual Basic experience into a blog post or two aimed at non-technical folks. And I am not sure that you want me to try.

Today, inspiration hit. Or maybe it was hunger pains. (I am out of the Dove chocolates that I typically keep in my desk drawer). Regardless of my blood sugar level, I have an idea. I am fairly proficient at Microsoft Word, as many of my fellow writers probably are. But most of my fellow writers probably speak and write in English. And when faced with a foreign character, they may have a diablo of a time coercing Word into flipping their exclamations points upside down for the requisite ¡Dios Mió!

Here’s my dirty little secret: In addition to my Computer Science degree, I hold a Bachelor of Arts in Spanish. This degree has afforded me the luxury of 1) knowing how to order a beer in any bar in Mexico, 2) Understanding directions to the bathroom once I am finished with said beer, and 3) ordering the newest Isabel Allende books in Spanish from Amazon. Occaisionally I get to eavesdrop on unsuspecting strangers, too. I can also type words like baño in Word, with the little squigly (the tilde) over the n easily. I wrote paper after paper in college, and you better believe that I had to have every accent and tilde in the correct place, or my paper would be returned to me bleeding like a gored matador.

So here, at last, is a subject where I can contribute. What follows is a series of “tips and tricks” for handling the occasional (or the frequent) foreign language in Word (and a few things that would work with other word processors). None of this information is ground-breaking, and most of it is available in the help, if you know to look for it. But now you don’t. I hope that by compiling it together here, that I might save someone a few minutes of aggravation. If not, don’t tell me. I like my illusions.

Accenting Your Prose

I think that the first challenge writers face when sprinkling a little Spanish or French into their manuscripts is how to type an accent over an i, or a tilde over an n. Standard English keyboards don’t have those buttons, and I assure you that adding them by hand to a printed copy looks cheap and amateurish. Leave them off, and you will make the folks that speak those languages shudder. Accents, tildes, and other special characters are not ’special’ in other languages. They’re part of the syntax.

In word, the easiest way to do it is with keyboard shortcuts. Need an accent on an i? Hold down ctrl and the apostrophe key at the same time. Then let go and type i (or e, or o). Voilà! Oops, I cheated…voilà has a backwards (grave) accent. For those, hold down ctrl + the backwards accent key (top left corner of the keyboard to the left of your 1 key). Same procedure, different direction of accent mark. Use them both together and make ASCII eyes with eyebrows: òó.

Need an upside-down question mark (¿), hold down shift, ctrl, alt, and the ? key at the same time. Go on, try it. I know it’s a lot of keys. Hey, you mastered Ctrl-Alt-Delete, right?

There are lots more of these. I could make you look it up in the help pages of Word (type “Keyboard shortcuts for international characters”). Or, follow this link to see the documentation on Microsoft’s website.

Spell Checking

So, now you can spell words in Spanish, French, and whatever else those special characters allow. But are you doing it correctly? Personally, I rely heavily on Word’s built-in dictionary to do most of my English spell-checking. But type in “Ay Caramba” and Word reminds you over and over again that it is WRONG WRONG WRONG. How do you fix this?

First of all, you have to tell Word “Dude, it ain’t English”. Highlight your colorful phrase and, from the menu bar, select Tools->Language->Set Language. Scroll through the list, select your preferred option and click ok.

I can hear some of you yelling “Wait! I am writing in Clingon (or High Elven or Infernal or Garbledygook) And it isn’t on the list!” No, those options are missing. Instead of selecting a language, check the box that says “Do Not Check Spelling or Grammar”. Problem solved. Word will just ignore your homemade language. Now lather, rinse, and repeat with all of your other foreign language phraselets. Yes, it’s work. And it can be a lot of work. But there are benefits.

Now that Word knows what on earth you’re trying to say, it might attempt to spell-check it for you. It might even do a good job of it (Not if you’re writing in Infernal, though). Back when I was in college and using the state-of-the-art Word 95, there was no built-in spell checking for anything other than English. If you wanted something else, it co$t. Many versions released in this millenium come with at least some built-in dictionaries other than English. Now, if you’re writing in Kyrgyz, you might be out of luck. With Spanish and French, you might be in business. One way to tell is to open up that Set Language dialog again. On my desktop, the languages that have built-in dictionaries have a checkmark icon next to them, and the rest do not.

Translation

If you have an active internet connection on your computer, Microsoft Word can attempt to help you translate words and phrases. I stress the word attempt because I firmly believe that good translation is an artform combining a working knowledge of two sets of vocabulary and grammar plus an ear for how phrases sound. I stink at it. I much prefer to keep my Spanish in Spanish and my English in English (ask me to reminisce about my exchange program in Mexico and one of us will need a dictionary).

However, if you’re don’t have a paper dictionary handy and are desperate to say the word “peach” in Spanish, Word has you covered. (It’s durazno–I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to look that one up.) Simply highlight the word or phrase you wish to translate, right-click, and pick “Translate” from the popup menu (or find the command under the Tools Menu->Language->Translate). A sidebar will appear allowing you to select the “from” and “to” languages. This actually brings up a site called WorldLingo, which may also offer you a “professional translation” for a fee. Don’t know how good they are–I’ve never needed $65 worth of translation.

Help for non-Word users

Character Map: Finding your inner tilde

So you’re cheap (or just poor) and are using Wordpad or even Notepad to type your manuscript. Think those tildes and ¡’s are out of reach? Nope. Let me introduce you to a tool that I found almost 15 years ago on Windows 3.1. It’s the character map. Look on your Start Menu, under Accessories and/or System tools for a program called….wait for it….Character Map.

No, this will not help you remember the name of your heroine’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousins former roommate. It just helps you find characters that aren’t on your keyboard. The tool is pretty simple: choose a font, select the characters you want and then click “copy” to place them on the clipboard. Then open up your wordprocessor of choice (or even your web browser if you’re blogging…) and click paste. What I have done is to select one each of every special character (all of the accented vowels, plus ñ and the upside-down punctuation for Spanish), and pasted them to the top of my work in progress. Then, as you’re typing, you can scroll back to the beginning of your doc and copy just the letter you need and paste it into your sentence. It is also a neat tool for exploring extra characters like smileys, hearts, and arrows. Do pay attention to your font, though, because if you paste a character from the one font and then change your document to another, your special characters may change.

Web Resources

Free Web Translator. This site has a basic tool for converting to French, Spanish, Japanese, and a large list of other common languages.
WorldLingo.com. This is the site that Word links to for its translation feature.
Microsoft Office Language Packs If you work in a language other than English, then this will show you some of the additional language features you can buy for your Microsoft Office products.

Where to find a Translator (One with lungs)

This is kind of a tricky question for me. I’ve never used one. I’m not one either. I said that already. I would feel comfortable screwing up my own writing with my book-learned Spanish skills, but not anyone else’s. But if your high school French skills have withered away to the size of Steak & Shake freedom fry, then here are some ideas on where to look for help. Some might not even break the bank:

Local high school language teachers. If you’re lucky, they’ll be native speakers. If not, they ought to be mostly grammatically correct.

University language departments. Professors or grad students would be your best bet. Some universities attract folks from other countries to study their native language here. I shared classes with folks from Spain, Chile, Colombia, Puerto Rico, etc. Younger folks would have a better grasp of how younger people speak (duh) than aging professors.

You can try calling your local police department or justice department and see if they would share their roster of interpreters with you. If there are people in your city who speak a language, then the police know someone who can talk to them.

If you’re aiming for a widespread language (like Spanish, which covers almost 1/3 of the world’s population), try to find someone from the same country/region you’re writing about–I can guarantee you that Mexican slang and Barcelona slang are very very different (and some of your readers WILL know).

Also, if you’re thinking of hitting up a gardner/janitor/taqueria clerk for help, then make sure you know what you’re getting. There are some very well educated gardners/janitors/food service people out there. But if you find someone who isn’t particularly literate (in our language or theirs), then the quality of what you learn from them will reflect that. Which can be perfect or disastrous, depending on what you’re trying to write about.

Technical Notes

Versions of Word (Or, “That’s not on my menu”)

If you’re having trouble following my instructions, or your menus and dialogs look a little different than I’ve described, then, well, I wish I could help. Microsoft has a habit of renaming and moving features around with every release of their software (what, you didn’t think they paid their programmers to just add new stuff, did you?). I would try checking online help and see if you find any leads. Or, post a comment here and I can make wacky suggestions.

I am using, both at home and at work, Microsoft Word 2003. The licenses are provided by my job, and are probably some enterprise-level-everything-and-the-kitchen-sink version. If you have a newer, older, or bare-bones installation, you may be lacking the same translation and spell-check features that I have access to. If you will be using foreign languages a LOT, it might be worth your while to check into buying an add-on package for Word, or upgrading to a more “feature-rich” (and tehrefore “buyer-poor”) version. Back in college, I forked over the (then) enormous sum of $100 for a Spanish spell-checker. It was worth every penny and more, and it actually helped teach me the rules of when to apply accents more than any professer ever had.

The Character Map is Missing

The Character Map feature has been around since Windows 3.1, as far as I can remember. If you’ve searched high and low (and deep into every folder on your Start menu) and can’t find it, then try looking in your C:\Windows folder (or C:\WINNT or just do a search of every folder starting on c:) for “charmap.exe”. Find it, make a shortcut, and stick it on your desktop or your start menu. If you still can’t find it, then I’m at a loss. Maybe you’re on a Mac?

Muchas gracias por haber leído esta basura.

P.S. I only know the most rudimentary French, so I availed myself of some free online translation to create a catchy title. If I massively butchered it, you have my permission to mock me freely in the comments.

–Kristi Schmits
http://skimdecafmochawithwhip.blogspot.com
elitsirk@yahoo.com

Any questions? Kristi will be around to answer them! And if you’d like my opinion, by all means, ask away and you might get a straight answer. I’m feeling muy computer savvy today! Not.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It’s a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere — even sitting in an armchair by the fire — yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk.

Here’s how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The “Browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Most come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session — even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.

Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language stylus [PENCIL].

((grin))

I also wanted to share some good news - My contemporary single title, Designs on You, has finaled in a writing contest! I’m very excited and will let you know what happens.

Also, I’ve got to give a SQUEE…Jill Shalvis was here (and left little old me a comment), and well shucks, I’m such a fan I had to gush about it! She’s got one of the very best blogs out there - you really must visit it! - and her books are always great.

Have a great weekend!

I’ve caught something. Not a football. Not a frisbee. And thankfully not a cold or the flu. It hit me Saturday night and I fear I’m stuck with it for the next couple of weeks.

Olympic Fever.

Thank you Michael Phelps.

It started with his first gold medal win in the 400-meter individual medly. I was on the edge of my seat! Thought I might start hyperventilating. I was so nervous for him it was ridiculous. I don’t even know the guy.

Yet, you’d think I had some stake in his finish. I didn’t want the silver or the bronze. Heck no! I wanted the gold. I found myself leaning forward, scooting to the edge of the couch. My body was on high alert as if I was watching a toddler amble precariously close to the side of a pool and I’d be the first one in to rescue the little guy or girl. I was taking shallow breaths, my eyes were glued to the television screen, then shut tightly when I couldn’t stand to see the competition breathing down Micheal’s neck. But quickly I opened them because really I didn’t want to miss a second of what happened.

I feel for his mother. She must be a bundle of nerves. I’m beside myself watching him - heck watching many of the American athletes - and stand to lose my composure often during these Olympic games. I get terribly nervous watching my own kids in their respective sports, but really, must I feel like I’m going to be devestated if Michael Phelps doesn’t win gold in all eight of his events? Is this normal?

I’m a pretty competitive person. I don’t like to lose. So I guess I’m letting that emotion carry over to the athletes in Beijing. Come on Team USA! Don’t let me down! I’m not sure my heart can take it. I mean it really hurts - hurts I tell you, in the middle of my chest - when I watch an American athlete who has trained so hard for so long not get their wish of winning a medal. I wonder will they get another chance in four years? Will they give up and go back to school or get a job? Will they be able to get past a slight mistake or error in judgment?

Or like they say at the Academy Awards, is it just nice to be nominated? To be there competing with the best of the best? Since I’ll never be competing in the Olympics, I guess I’ll never know. Instead I’ve got to remind myself to take deep breaths and remember no matter what, life goes on.

And how about the synchronized diving? Wow! I don’t know why I never caught it before, but I did on Sunday and it was great fun to watch. Yes, I’m contradicting myself here, mainly to say I don’t know why I’m ready to bite my nails (which I’ve never ever done) during some events and not others. Maybe it’s the race factor. The ticking clock. The attempt to set a new Olympic or World Record. That’s got to be it. Because I was rooting for the American divers, but I didn’t feel the adrenaline I did with Michael Phelps.

Track and Field? Gymnastics? Tennis? Baskeball? Keep your fingers crossed I make it through!

So what about you? Are you watching the Olympics? And what’s your favorite event?

Who says being checked for explosives isn’t fun?

Thank you airport security for making me feel super safe!

Oh wait, let me rewind a little.

I think it was around the middle of June that my pal Jessica and I decided to run the half marathon in the San Francisco Marathon. Since we were going to be in S.F. for the RWA conference at the same time as the event, we thought why not? I’ve run four half marathons before and after the last one swore I’d never do another, but alas, Jessica was hard to say no to. So I started training, running 6 days a week, long runs on the weekends. As the end of July drew closer, I got more excited. The idea of running across the Golden Gate Bridge kept me going. My cute pink and white Nike’s logged in plenty of miles, enough that I started thinking, “Hey, I’m ready for this!”

Apparently it wasn’t in the stars. With a little over two weeks before race day, my left foot started to hurt. I ignored it. Ran my 5 miles. The next day, the same thing. And the day after that dammit, wasn’t any better. Still, you know what they say, no pain, no gain. So Saturday arrives and I’ve got to run 9 miles. I lace up my shoes, put my headphones on, and ignore the fact that I can’t really walk. Once I get into a groove running, I’ll be fine I tell myself.

You bet I ran those 9 miles. Fighting back tears of pain for a few of them, but gosh darn it, I did it. If a police car had driven by, I probably would have flagged him down, asked for a ride home. But I didn’t see one, and my determination to overcome the fricken’ pain in the bottom of my foot might have stopped me anyways.

Fast forward to 2 days later when I think it’s probably a good idea to see a doctor considering the pain I’m in. I visit the orthopedist that did MacGyver’s bicep surgery in May, and a previous surgery on his thumb, and helped Killer Lefty with the stress fracture in his elbow last year as well as a rotater cuff injury this year. As a side note, my FIL called me a couple of days ago for the doctor’s phone number because he said he thinks he tore his rotater cuff playing golf. I laughed - not at him - at the fact that when the doctor sees his last name he might get a chuckle out of it. I mean, sheesh, my family is keeping this guy in business. I think they should have a fruit basket or something to thank us for our patronage.

Anyways, the doctor says he thinks I’ve got either plantar fasciitis or a stress fracture, and I need to have an MRI before he’ll treat me. I pray for the former because then a cortizone shot will get me back to pounding the pavement. Plantar fasciitis, btw, is an inflammation of the muscle/tendon that connects your heel to the ball of your foot. It hurts like hell. My diagnosis? Little ‘ol me decided to tear her plantar fasciitis. If it tears all the way, you lose the arch in your foot and that’s a very bad thing. So the doctor tells me no running, no walking, no nothing!

And gives me a present.

I love presents. But this one bit! It’s the latest in fashion when you tear the tendon in your foot - a lovely black boot that goes to my knee. (In person it doesn’t look blurry like it does in the photo. If you want to see good pictures, visit Playing with Pixels.)

[Insert expletives, pout and overall major bumming here]

I’ve got to wear the darn thing for at least 4 weeks.

I didn’t have to take it off when I went through airport security on my way to or from San Francisco. Instead they took me aside and swept me for explosives! A little cloth is all it took to assure them I wasn’t smuggling anything I shouldn’t be.

And while walking around the conference for four days was a little more challenging than I’d planned, at least I only had to pack and bring right shoes. I know some of you are jealous about all the extra space I then had in my suitcase. Don’t be. I still worried about staying under the airline weight requirement. Here’s where I also want to mention my ultra cool roommate, Kate. I didn’t mention her on my last post because I was saving her for today. She’s a LARA chaptermate of mine and an overall life saver! She helped me out whenever I needed it and didn’t mind walking at a snail’s pace. We had a great time together and I’ll room with her anytime, anywhere! Another LARA buddy (and flight companion), D’Anne, was also super helpful, aiding me with my bag full of books, jacket, or whatever the hell else I had difficulty with. Damn boot!

Jessica did run in the race, and I was there to cheer her on! The picture on the left is the Bay Bridge. It’s about 6:15 AM and the start line is just a few hundred feet away. She did fantastic! It was a perfect morning for running although she said it was freezing going across the Golden Gate bridge.
I’m so sad I didn’t get to participate, but I guess there’s always next year. Not! I’m taking this as a sign that my half marathon days are over.

As promised, here’s a couple of photos from the conference. The first one is Caryn (The Book Lady), me and Jessica sitting in the bar of the hotel. We were hanging out waiting for Nora to join us. Unfortunately she had some other important thing to go to so we missed her.

The next one is of me and The Soapbox Queens at The Garden Terrace Restaurant. That’s where we had breakfast and had our meeting. And I forgot to share that they gave me a beautiful, sparkly crown necklace that I happily wore the rest of the weekend. They so rock!

Even though I spent most of my time inside a hotel. When I did venture out, it was beautiful (a little chilly when the wind swept by, but otherwise lovely) and the sights and sounds of the city made me wish for a second I lived closer to the hustle and bustle of city life.

The RWA conference in San Francisco was a blast! I learned a lot, met some great people, hung out with wonderful friends, tried to look like I wasn’t a total fangirl when multi-published authors walked past me, and didn’t - yes, I said didn’t - run in the San Francisco marathon I’d been training for. (Stay tuned for my next post to find out why.)

The conference kicked off with the Literacy Signing on Wednesday night. It was amazing! Over 500 authors were signing, and darn if I didn’t wish I’d had more time to spend there! I missed several authors I would have loved to talk to, but did meet a couple of new authors like Danielle Younge Ullman (she is super nice and could be Drew Barrymore’s sister), and Tera Lynn Childs. I just finished Tera’s book, Oh. My. Gods. and really enjoyed it! I can’t wait for her next one. I also got to talk with The Soapbox Queens (more on them in a minute) and Jess Riley, who is absolutely delightful in person. Another fabulous new author is Joanne Rendell. I sat with her and Caryn at the RITA awards and her first book is coming out this fall.

Speaking of in person, it was super-duper wonderful to meet my blogging pals Caryn and Pam. I don’t have a picture of Pam to share - dammit! I can’t believe I missed a photo op with her, but actually I didn’t take many pictures. Here’s one of Caryn, (on the left) me, and my other wonderful writing pal, Jessica (on the right).

Okay, there would be a picture here if I could get the gosh darn thing to load, but I can’t. I’m ready to throw something across the room so I’ll try and upload pictures later. F*#%! (And I hardly ever say that word.) There are some great pictures on the Will Write for Wine forum so you can see us all there.

The highlight of my time in San Fran has to be having breakfast with Vicki Lewis Thompson, Jennifer LaBrecque and Rhonda Nelson - The Soapbox Queens. I bid on and won a career planning session with them at Brenda Novak’s auction in May. The three of them are the best! They were so nice, so incredibly helpful, and so full of advice that my head was left spinning. In a good way. I didn’t want my time with them to end and am eternally grateful for their kindness and wisdom. Go to their blog. Read their books. They are gems as women and their books are awesome!

I didn’t get stuck in an elevator with my dream agent - darn it! - or the cute editor everyone said had dreamy eyes, but I did venture down one time with Julia Quinn, and if I’d been going up, rather than down, could have ridden with Gena Showalter and Jill Monroe (love, love, love their Author Talks!). I’m still unpacking and trying to digest everything I learned, and am inspired in such a way I didn’t see coming.

And oh, before I forget, because only three of you pitched to me while I was gone - thanks Kath, Ilana and Lainey! - I’m going to send each of you a couple of books. You all three rock and I liked each of your pitches! Please email me your snail mail addresses and I’ll get the books out to you ASAP.

So anything exciting happen while I was gone?

There’s a lot of pitch going around, and I’m not talking about the kind related to singing. That leaves a lot of other possibilities, I realize. I’m thinking about pitch in regards to:

a. throwing to a batter
b. tossing so as to fall at or near a mark
c. presenting or advertising especially in a high-pressure way
d. plugging, promoting
e. attempting to persuade especially with a sales pitch
f. presenting for consideration
g. all of the above

If you guessed (g.), all of the above, you’ve just won a trip to Universal Studios to swim with Jaws! Just kidding. But it is Shark Week so if you want to see some cool shark stuff check your local television listings. Myth Busters (yes, I’m watching TV and writing this at the same time) just proved if you’re thrashing with a shark, strike at the big thug’s eyes, and you might have a chance to survive. The key is to have the presence of mind to do it immediately before you’re chomped to um…So really, just forget about it. There’s no chance you’ll get near the eyes in time.

Luckily, most pitches don’t take place in shark infested waters.

They are, however, being talked about everywhere, given this is the week of RWA’s National Conference. Thank you to all the great bloggers out there that have offered advice and insight. Both published and pre-published writers have got great words of wisdom to share, and I’m grateful. I’ve been practicing my pitch over and over and over again, hoping to make it second nature. Hoping that my nerves don’t rip to shreds the perfectly planned volume, tone, speed, and well, pitch of my few sentences. (My voice tends to get higher when I’m nervous.)

That girl talking to herself in the car? Yeah, that was me. Practicing my pitch. Wandering down the frozen foods isle at the market? Me again. (I could swear no one was around.) And standing outside my car pumping a sh*tload of money, I mean gas, into my car while trying not to sound like I’d sucked on a helium balloon. Guilty again. Although in my defense, visiting the gas station is enough to raise anyone’s voice an octave or two, don’t you think?

I’ve practiced so much that now I’m afraid I’ve forgotten it. Does that ever happen to you? It’s like that fear of seeing someone you’ve known your whole life and forgetting their name so you don’t introduce them to the person you’re with, the person you’ve known for a much shorter time yet their name is flashing in your mind like a neon sign.

Anyways, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, and am very excited to get to San Francisco! Which reminds me, I’ll be absent from this little spot for the next week, returning the week of August 4th with a full report on the conference. I’d love it if you kept your fingers crossed for me, and while I’m gone throw out your best pitch! That’s right, pitch me anything. From something you’re writing, to a TV show or movie you loved. Even a book you’ve read, or recipe you recently made. Go for it! Leave it in the comments and when I return I’ll pick my favorite one to win a prize. I’ll be coming home from San Fran with lots of books and want to share my good fortune. I’m not sure how many I’ll part with, but the prize will be worth your while. Good luck!

Have a great week!

P.S. In case you’re wondering about (a.) above, the Yankee’s lost, due I believe to some poor pitching, thus it’s on mind. Go Yankees!

P.S.S. Even if you’re going to National, you can still participate! Leave me a pitch comment - hey, it can be about an outfit even. I love comments!

Ya’ll have probably seen this one before, but it still makes me laugh.

Have a great weeekend!

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, “What gender is computer?”

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computadora), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (el computador), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

This time on TRT, I thought I’d ramble a bit about a couple of books I’ve read/am in the process of reading.

First off, I just finished reading Swept Away by Toni Blake. It’s not a new release so I’m not going to do a review of it, but let me just say, I loved it! Toni is nominated for a RITA award this year (for a different book - one I can’t wait to get my hands on) and ohmygosh, I can see why. From start to finish she had me hooked with a hero and heroine I was dying to see end up together. The chemistry between Katrina and Brock burns up the pages and I couldn’t read fast enough. Toni’s writing is so good, so engaging, that it made me doubt my own ability to write (that darn inner critic), and I finished the book thinking I want to put words on the page that move people as much as hers moved me.

Yesterday I started Sexiest Man Alive by Diana Holquist. I got the book last year at Nationals (did I mention how big my TBR pile is?) and decided to read it because it’s nominated for a RITA award. I’m laughing out loud that I picked up this book to read now, given my previous post. You see, the heroine in the book, Jasmine Burns, is deathly shy - or rather “socially anxious.” And while she’s gearing up for a job interview, I’m gearing up to pitch. The slight similiarity has got me grinning. I’m not practicing on a naked Ken doll - get the book and read it! I’m only on page 27 and am loving it! - but I am practicing in the car, in the kitchen, and even in the mirror (yikes!). Jasmine’s got a sister with the power to reveal her One True Love. I wish I had a sister, or heck a friend, cousin, neighbor, friend of a friend, second cousin twice removed, anyone really, who had the power to reveal my One True Agent. Oh well. I’m willing to discover that great relationship on my own when it’s meant to be. (Of course sooner rather than later would be fabulous.)

In between these two books I did pick up another book to read. Rarely do I start a novel where I just can’t get past the first or second chapter. Rarely have I read a book that I didn’t at least like. Unfortunately, this romance novel was one such book on both counts. I was confused from page one, had no idea what the author was talking about, didn’t much care for the heroine and had no clue who the hero was. Even reading the back cover copy didn’t help me decipher what was going on. I hate to say I felt better about my own writing after reading this published piece of work, but I did. In fact, after reading Toni Blake’s great writing and doubting my talent, this was exactly what I needed to pick myself back up. I felt so excited about my own WIP that I wrote more yesterday than I have in two weeks. Honestly, I hate feeling better about myself at the expense of feeling someone else’s work isn’t very good. I mean she’s a published author of several books and I hope she’s super successful. There are people out there that like her writing, but it did make me feel like I’ve got a chance.

So how about you? Read any good romance lately? And what makes a book great to you?

As a writer, I feel like I say things much better on paper, over the web waves, through email. I’ve never been much of talker, always in admiration of people who could talk for hours about anything and everything, even nothing, and make it sound interesting. You know those friends who can talk about all the details of their day with a keen awareness that makes even going to the grocery store an adventure. It makes my how are you/what’s new answers pale in comparison.

I’ve be on the quieter side ever since I was a young girl. I’m not sure why. No. I take that back. After thinking more and more about the way I am now that I’m older and wiser, I think it was because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of what people would think if I said something no one else agreed with, or thought wasn’t smart. The fear of failure, I’ve come to realize, left me speechless. After all, if I didn’t say anything, didn’t put my foot in my mouth or tell a joke nobody laughed at, I was no worse off than before. But was I better off?

Finally, I don’t care as much. I don’t fear as much.

Why?

Because I believe the anonymity of writing has done wonders to help bolster my confidence in real life. I am the person writing emails, commenting on blogs, pouring everything I have at this moment into 90,000 plus word manuscripts. And I’m learning to let that spill into my personal interactions. I’m speaking up. It’s especially true when I’m talking about writing. Why? Because, I believe, for the first time in my life, I’ve found something I’m so passionate about that I can’t stop talking about it. A few months ago my best friend (who is not a writer) said - after I’d chewed her ear off for half an hour about my writing - with a big smile on her face, “It’s so great hearing you talk about something you’re so excited about.” I’ve known her for twenty-five years.

By taking a risk and by ignoring that dreaded internal editor that makes me clam up with fear, I’m finally discovering my voice. Funny how they talk about voice in writing and it’s writing that’s helped me really find mine. It was always there I’m sure, making appearances now and again, feeling bolder when the topic of conversation was one I could relate to, and not so confident when the topic wasn’t.

So how about you? Is it easy to speak up? And since Nationals is right around the corner, any conversation advice for when my lips won’t move?